November 12, 2010

- The Carnival cruise ship passengers were complaining about having no showers and eating nothing but Spam and Pop-Tarts while they were stranded. Right now thousands of male computer science majors are trying to find out how to sign up for the next cruise.


- I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my blanket fort.


- Whenever I see signs that say ‘slow pedestrians’ or ‘slow children playing’, I can’t help but picture people in helmets playing in the street.


- Face? Facebook? Who used to be for connecting with friends? Who has recently been taken over by 'why what’s up?' Who should really take care of this issue soon? Yeah I know it. Why what's up???


- My neighbors put their Christmas decorations up early, so I put my Easter stuff out just to one-up them.


- Our company is having a chili cook-off today at 12:30. The "crop dusting" begins about 2 hours later.


- You should probably just let your "Honor Student" drive. You are obviously an idiot.


- I have a feeling that the so-called "Highway To Hell" looks just like a Wal-Mart parking lot.


- I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.


- Sometimes you're the windshield; sometimes you're the bug.


- I came to a fork in the road…which was awesome, because I had just picked up my Chinese take-out and they didn’t put any plastic ware in the bag!


- I am not anticipating any emergencies.


- I can't remember having a more memorable time.


- If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.


- Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.


- Don't use a big word where a diminutive word will suffice.


- Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.


- I always proof-read to make sure I didn’t any words out.


- Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?


- Statistics show every two minutes another statistic is created.


- When you're run down the best thing to take is the license number.


- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?


- The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. Now, the guy who invented the other three... he was the genius.


- To make things simple...let's automatically assume that everything I say is right.


- The worst thing about censorship is [deleted by censorship bureau].


- "I've been seeing spots in front of my eyes.""Have you seen a doctor?""No, just spots."


- Don't judge a book by its movie.


- Not the sharpest crayon in the tool shed, are we? oh wait...