January 20, 2011

- Cops are so rude! They’ll just throw you in the back of the squad car like they didn't even hear you call shotgun!



- Just because they make size 16 daisy dukes, doesn't mean you should wear size 16 daisy dukes.


- Impossible is just a fancy way of saying, "No one else has figured out a way to do this yet."


- I intend to live forever. So far, so good.


- Warning: I have character defects and I am not afraid to use them!!!


- Facebook Etiquette: Thou shall not hold a conversation under someone's status post.


- George Washington owned a Dodge Charger – Wikipedia


- I love to give homemade gifts. Which one of my kids do you want?


- I just had a near death experience and other peoples’ lives flashed before my eyes. I HAVE to stop being so nosey!


- Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.


- Welcome to my wall of shame. You are the latest addition.


- Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.


- I would kill the sexiest person on earth but suicide is a sin.


- My new life goal is to do something worthy of being on a commemorative plate while holding a commemorative plate.


- People learn english all the time, It arent that hard


- I hate being asked if I have any "past experience." Is there any other kind? Can one have future experience?


- I like to believe the spell czech on my computer has never failed me.


- Check One : [ ] single [ ] taken [X] climbin’ in yo window, snatchin’ yo people up.


- I never knew there was an Amish family living at the end of my street. There's a sign down there that says "No Outlet". How interesting.


- I had social networking when I was a kid, too. I think back then it was called "outside."


- If you only remember one thing today, remember this.


- Due to the political climate in America today, all "Target" stores will be changing their names to "Objective".


- The difference between me and a workaholic is that I work considerably less.


- Do you like impressions? WHY?! (That was Socrates)


- What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch? Names


- I never make misteaks.


- The two rules for success are: 1. Never tell them everything you know.


- Index: Recursive loop: See recursive loop.


- What is the origin of the word "draconian"? The ancient Greek lawgiver Draco enforced severe penalties on people too lazy to look up dictionaries.


- I'm trying to be less self-deprecating, but I really suck at it.


- I can be spontaneous, if I have enough time to prepare for it.


- Don't procrastinate. Put it off NOW.


- All generalizations are wrong.


- My apathy causes me problems, but I don't care.


- It's extremely important that you fully understand how completely trivial this statement is.


- What is this a paraphrase of?


- I've felt like a goat, ever since I was a kid.


- Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded.


- I'm not conceited. Conceit is a fault, and I have none.


- I'm sorry, am I repeating myself? Am I being redundant? Am I saying things over and over?


- After years of refusing to take my calls, I have finally decided to be my own best friend. And now I don't call. Did I wait too long?


- Just say NO to negativity!


- I just learned how to copy and paste! I just learned how to copy and paste! I just learned how to copy and paste!


- Starbucks is coming out with a new larger size cup...the Trenta. It’s Latin for “I Have To Pee”.


- Does anyone else see the irony that the game "Monopoly" is made by one company?


- I was so bad at grammar as a kid, I got trapped in a good.


- My great aunt used to say, "Slow and steady wins the race." She died in a fire.


- What's a pirate minus the ship? Just a creative homeless guy.


- Where are all the Sour Patch parents?


- When life gets you down, make a comforter.


- When life give you lemons...you probably just found lemons.


- When I’m having fun, I like to yell, “WEEEEEEEEE!” Yep…I like to refer to myself and other people.


- If a deaf boy cusses in sign language, does his mother wash his hands with soap?


- I am, therefore you are.


- I heard Snooki doesn’t want to be called "Snooki" anymore. So, what do we call her now? I say we call her "Annoying Orange"…or is that taken?


- You will have the song "I’m a Barbie Girl" stuck in your head in 2 seconds.


- If at first you don't succeed, you'll get a lot of free advice from people who didn't succeed either.