- Facebook needs a "That's what she said" option.
- As of today I will no longer use "lol" after my comments or posts...I will now use "snicker".
- I hate having to delete Facebook "friends" that I like, even though they don't give a crap about me. I wish there was a Facebook jail to put them in for 30 days.
- Do you know that feeling when you have a lot of work to do and you don't know where to start? That's why I'm on Facebook.
- Even after creeping through all of your profile pictures, I still have no idea who you are or what you look like since there are 20 people in each of your photos.
- My parole officer heard I joined Facebook, so he came by and removed my house arrest ankle bracelet.... Because, really…where am I going?
- Facebook: helping people stay in touch with their ex’s they shouldn't be staying in touch with, one break up at a time
- Thank goodness for these new profiles... without them, I might never have known that so many of my friends speak English.
- My parole officer heard I joined Facebook, so he came by and removed my house arrest ankle bracelet.... Because, really…where am I going?
- Facebook: helping people stay in touch with their ex’s they shouldn't be staying in touch with, one break up at a time
- Thank goodness for these new profiles... without them, I might never have known that so many of my friends speak English.
- I wonder if Facebook is hiring? I already put in my 40 hrs this week!
- Facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg has been named Time Man of the Year. Ironically, Facebook has been named Time Waster of the Year.
- Kids, when I was your age, the ENTIRE family shared one phone, and it was attached to the kitchen wall by a cord. We couldn't even update our Facebook status from it.
- The only good thing about having your mother as a FB friend is that no matter how bad your status update bombs in your attempt to be funny, you can always count on her to "like' it.
- This one isn’t that funny, keep scrolling.
- I'm glad you don't know how many times I look at your profile every day.
- When someone comments on an old picture, your first thought is, "Wow I forgot about this! Thanks for the comment." Immediately before this thought: "Why was this person looking through ALL my photos?!?"
- Sometimes I intentionally post a status that is not freakin’ hilarious just so my friends think I'm human.
- My dog ate my status.
- Remember when only the really cool people were on Facebook? Oh, you weren’t here then? Oops, my bad.
- You can steal my status updates if you like, but I lick every single one before I post them.
- If any of my status updates have made even one person's day better, then there's something seriously wrong with that person.
- There are two types of people in this world: Those who have a Facebook account and those who shouldn't have a Facebook account.
- My other Facebook wall has a scenic view.
- Kids, when I was your age, the ENTIRE family shared one phone, and it was attached to the kitchen wall by a cord. We couldn't even update our Facebook status from it.
- The only good thing about having your mother as a FB friend is that no matter how bad your status update bombs in your attempt to be funny, you can always count on her to "like' it.
- 82 notifications later and I regret liking your status.
- This one isn’t that funny, keep scrolling.
- I'm glad you don't know how many times I look at your profile every day.
- When someone comments on an old picture, your first thought is, "Wow I forgot about this! Thanks for the comment." Immediately before this thought: "Why was this person looking through ALL my photos?!?"
- Sometimes I intentionally post a status that is not freakin’ hilarious just so my friends think I'm human.
- My dog ate my status.
- Remember when only the really cool people were on Facebook? Oh, you weren’t here then? Oops, my bad.
- You can steal my status updates if you like, but I lick every single one before I post them.
- If any of my status updates have made even one person's day better, then there's something seriously wrong with that person.
- There are two types of people in this world: Those who have a Facebook account and those who shouldn't have a Facebook account.
- My other Facebook wall has a scenic view.
- Your status updates leave a bad taste in my eyes...
- Maybe if my boss saw how many statuses I can drop in a day, she’d stop saying I’m unproductive.
- Every time someone uses "your" when they should be using "you're" on Facebook, an angel punches a kitten in the face.
- If anything I post offends you, please bring it to my attention so I can delete you off my friends list.
- I hate when I look horrible in a group picture and the person that looks good refuses to delete it.
- Just got an email from MySpace asking, "Where Have You Been?" Well MySpace, it hasn't been 2006 in quite some time.
- I want to make a Facebook account and the name will be "Nobody" so when I see stupid crap people post, I can "Like" it and it will say "Nobody Likes This".
- Dear Facebook: Stop being like my mom and suggesting people for me to be friends with.
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