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Friday, November 12, 2010

November 12, 2010

- The Carnival cruise ship passengers were complaining about having no showers and eating nothing but Spam and Pop-Tarts while they were stranded. Right now thousands of male computer science majors are trying to find out how to sign up for the next cruise.

- I have a lot of growing up to do. I realized that the other day inside my blanket fort.

- Whenever I see signs that say ‘slow pedestrians’ or ‘slow children playing’, I can’t help but picture people in helmets playing in the street.

- Face? Facebook? Who used to be for connecting with friends? Who has recently been taken over by 'why what’s up?' Who should really take care of this issue soon? Yeah I know it. Why what's up???

- My neighbors put their Christmas decorations up early, so I put my Easter stuff out just to one-up them.

- Our company is having a chili cook-off today at 12:30. The "crop dusting" begins about 2 hours later.

- You should probably just let your "Honor Student" drive. You are obviously an idiot.

- I have a feeling that the so-called "Highway To Hell" looks just like a Wal-Mart parking lot.

- I went to a restaurant that serves "breakfast at any time". So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

- Sometimes you're the windshield; sometimes you're the bug.

- I came to a fork in the road…which was awesome, because I had just picked up my Chinese take-out and they didn’t put any plastic ware in the bag!

- I am not anticipating any emergencies.

- I can't remember having a more memorable time.

- If your parents never had children, chances are... neither will you.

- Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.

- Don't use a big word where a diminutive word will suffice.

- Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

- I always proof-read to make sure I didn’t any words out.

- Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?

- Statistics show every two minutes another statistic is created.

- When you're run down the best thing to take is the license number.

- What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

- The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. Now, the guy who invented the other three... he was the genius.

- To make things simple...let's automatically assume that everything I say is right.

- The worst thing about censorship is [deleted by censorship bureau].

- "I've been seeing spots in front of my eyes.""Have you seen a doctor?""No, just spots."

- Don't judge a book by its movie.

- Not the sharpest crayon in the tool shed, are we? oh wait...

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