November 16, 2010

- My credit card company called. They want me to leave home without it.


- The new Myspace sucks... then again, so does the old one... Way to be consistent Myspace.


- I had Mexican food for dinner last night. Now I’m playing Call of Doodie.


- I was halfway through eating a horse and realized... I'm not as hungry as I thought…


- Why don’t hedgehogs just share the hedge?


- It's tricky when you're ignoring someone and they ask you if you're ignoring them.


- Remember that awkward moment when you got in the van and the old man didn’t have any candy?


- My husband asked me if I wanted to play Call of Duty the other day. When I said yes, he handed me a tub of cleaning supplies.


- Just my luck...I got bit by a retroactive spider instead of a radioactive one. Now I'm making tie dye webs in shapes of pot leaves.


- "Release the hounds" sounds so much more threatening than "let the dogs out".


- Pray for Obama - Psalm 109:8.


- There is no doubt that there's a place in every woman's life for a red thong, but that place is not five inches above the waistline of her jeans. Ever.


- We got a dog that gave up chasing the cat after about 10 seconds. So we’re calling it Quits.


- Darn it! It turns out those WERE the droids we were looking for! UGH!


- Maybe Kanye should take his toys and go play with Joy Behar. She needs the ratings.


- Yes I realize I was wearing this t-shirt last time you saw me. I don’t own 365 t-shirts, so the odds of this happening again are roughly 1 in 10.


- My friend says my jokes don't make any sense and the punch lines are too obscure. Which is quite funny really when you consider his uncle used to grow his own onions.


- I saw the headline "Garfield cartoonist apologizes" and my first thought was…about time. That comic strip has been lame for decades!