January 28, 2011

- I was gonna listen to that last lame song you posted, but then, ummm, yeah...I just carried on living my life.



- I grunt when I play Wii tennis. It’s all about intimidation.


- Plan B includes margaritas.


- Do married people live longer than single ones, or does it only seem longer?


- I live every day like it’s my first. There’s a lot of crying and sleeping involved.


- Facebook. Where people you don’t know are better friends than your real friends.


- My business is awkward smiles and poorly executed high-fives, and business is good.


- I know you’re broke, but that doesn’t mean I want you to be my sugar-free daddy.


- Open your eyes, people! ‘The Three Little Pigs’ was written by bricklayers.


- Despite their name, riot police don’t have much of a sense of humor.


- When writing a resume, it’s much more valuable to say you are an expert at “replicate and repurpose functionality” than “copy and paste.”


- Wore camouflage pants once. Still can’t find my legs.


- I listed Starbucks as my emergency contact at work.


- I'm not a social drinker. It's mostly work related.


- If you can read, then this status doesn't apply to you.


- I’ve decided to become "The silent type." I'd let you know how that works out, but…you know…silence...


- Having heard that Steve Jobs is in hospital with only his iPad to comfort him, I've decided to release the cure for pancreatic cancer into the public domain. But only in Flash.


- The me who wakes up in the morning has zero respect for the me who set the alarm the night before!


- Last time I checked, it bounced.


- I'm not pointing out your flaws. I'm pointing out my traits that are better than yours.